sorry guys for not updating for "years"
I'm currently with 4 project that need to be done soon.
However i'm now in an emo mood.
care to hear what i think?
13/3/2009 is not a good day for me.
It start with XXX keeping a document that teacher ask to be hand to me while we actually live in the same flat.I assume she try to copy my design idea( although you might said i think too much , she did try to ' share idea and ask for help then get ppl's idea for herself') I know she make friend with people for a purpose . she only like people with great art work.
Then after lunch ,i been told someone dislike me because i sort of destroy his image in front of my dad. Well i don't really socialise with that person ( basically we just have the same group of friends) I don't remember saying anything offensive about him and i did not event say more than 3 sentence to him in a week.
I do have a basic idea he sort of dislike me but to hear him saying out is a different story. i do feel a bit disappointed with myself . I don't like to be hate by people . it just make me feel i'm a really bad person . I know not everyone will agree and like me as what i am but just feel sad to hear people talk behind my back about disliking me.
Other than that i feel being left out in my old gang . I know everyone is busy but just feel sometime they sort of forget about me when they plan things. I know i do stuff on my own but it just sad to find out they plan to do thing together without me.
haiz. It is the way people interact? I know i'm sort of bad in human socializing . I can't help to feel people can't be trusted with full feeling. not that i don't trust people ,just feel hurt when i get the ' they don't really care if i'm there or not'
So presently i got the ' the only person that love you the most is yourself' ( like what it said in perhaps love movie)
then i sort of think my idea of seeking for attention from others like wanting to be the one that help them and feel that they need me is actually a selfish thing.
Not long ago i watch a drama which have an episode which a brother poison her sister but act really caring to get the ' waw you're such a good brother'.moreover his sister knew about it and still let him do it .
In that drama , i learn that wanting to become the one for people to relay on is actually doing it for ourselves not because we are being helpful and thought about others.
I did agree with it. The proper way to help a person is to make them independent so they can walk their own path on their own.
Is like better to teach a child how to catch fish then catch it for them .
So i feel i'm doing something wrong here. I used to like people asking me for help and help them back but now i know this is a selfish act. I finally realise that i want to be parse by other people for helping others not because just because i am helpful. I do like to help people but now i know the right way to help .
seem to grow up a bit , isn't it?
hahah
feeling better now after writing out my feeling.
if you read until here . i really need to thank you and sorry if i bored you with my problems
I'm currently with 4 project that need to be done soon.
However i'm now in an emo mood.
care to hear what i think?
13/3/2009 is not a good day for me.
It start with XXX keeping a document that teacher ask to be hand to me while we actually live in the same flat.I assume she try to copy my design idea( although you might said i think too much , she did try to ' share idea and ask for help then get ppl's idea for herself') I know she make friend with people for a purpose . she only like people with great art work.
Then after lunch ,i been told someone dislike me because i sort of destroy his image in front of my dad. Well i don't really socialise with that person ( basically we just have the same group of friends) I don't remember saying anything offensive about him and i did not event say more than 3 sentence to him in a week.
I do have a basic idea he sort of dislike me but to hear him saying out is a different story. i do feel a bit disappointed with myself . I don't like to be hate by people . it just make me feel i'm a really bad person . I know not everyone will agree and like me as what i am but just feel sad to hear people talk behind my back about disliking me.
Other than that i feel being left out in my old gang . I know everyone is busy but just feel sometime they sort of forget about me when they plan things. I know i do stuff on my own but it just sad to find out they plan to do thing together without me.
haiz. It is the way people interact? I know i'm sort of bad in human socializing . I can't help to feel people can't be trusted with full feeling. not that i don't trust people ,just feel hurt when i get the ' they don't really care if i'm there or not'
So presently i got the ' the only person that love you the most is yourself' ( like what it said in perhaps love movie)
then i sort of think my idea of seeking for attention from others like wanting to be the one that help them and feel that they need me is actually a selfish thing.
Not long ago i watch a drama which have an episode which a brother poison her sister but act really caring to get the ' waw you're such a good brother'.moreover his sister knew about it and still let him do it .
In that drama , i learn that wanting to become the one for people to relay on is actually doing it for ourselves not because we are being helpful and thought about others.
I did agree with it. The proper way to help a person is to make them independent so they can walk their own path on their own.
Is like better to teach a child how to catch fish then catch it for them .
So i feel i'm doing something wrong here. I used to like people asking me for help and help them back but now i know this is a selfish act. I finally realise that i want to be parse by other people for helping others not because just because i am helpful. I do like to help people but now i know the right way to help .
seem to grow up a bit , isn't it?
hahah
feeling better now after writing out my feeling.
if you read until here . i really need to thank you and sorry if i bored you with my problems
2 comments:
Are you okay? You seem to be troubled. Didn't see you online much... Well, I can't call you or anything, but you can always SMS me or drop me a mail.
Hope things are okay...remember, some people still care about you =)
ya, i do understand what you mean. i never managed to 'fit in' either, haha
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